So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
