a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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