i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
