I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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