We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
