Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
