Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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