I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
