he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
