Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
