"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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