You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
