Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
