1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
