I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
