So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
