I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize