I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
