Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
