He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
