I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
