Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
