just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
