I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
