my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
