I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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