At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
