Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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