She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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