Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
