Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
