I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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