Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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