I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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