Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
