shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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