My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize