someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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