I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
