I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
