today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
