He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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