Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ketchup is God's man juice
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
