im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
