i jhust puked up my retainher.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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