THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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