mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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