slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
