well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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