Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everything about him screamed your future.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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