does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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