I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
