I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
