I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
