Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
