She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
