thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
