Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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