true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
