I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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