I cut my penus on the lid.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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