Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
