hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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