Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
