i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize