The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
