I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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