I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dicks are not precious.
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