i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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