I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just high enough for therapy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
