i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
