Non-Jews are for practice
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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