I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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